“Why don’t you tell me that ‘if the girl had been worth having, she’d have waited for you’? No sir, the girl really worth having won’t wait for anybody.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
The last time I wrote about bad girls (http://nadiacho.com/2013/06/18/why-the-world-loves-bad-girls/), we settled that they are assertive, independent and sometimes intimidating, but the confidence they possess in their ways makes them incredibly hot. But whether it’s possible to seriously date and be with a bad girl was yet to be concluded. Which is why this blog will talk about going out and getting serious with strong, bad-ass womyn, for those of us who think it’s hot to be dominated and challenged by fierce females who get what they want.
In the anthropological database of human behavior that is the internet, there are gems like this article on AskMen.com (http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_100/135_dating_advice.html), that claim ultimately it’s unwise to get serious with bad girls because they’re too hot to be trusted and they aren’t good wifey material for when you settle down and have kids. There are also mind-blowing articles like this recent one in The New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/14/fashion/sex-on-campus-she-can-play-that-game-too.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0) which finds that womyn really enjoy having sex. What’s even more groundbreaking is that some womyn also think it’s cool to have casual sex without serious long-term commitments and they like devoting their time to things other than relationships, like getting a career. Whoa, who the hell could’ve possibly guessed that’s the case?
The main reason dating a bad bitch might seem challenging, is that she has strong interests in her own life and well-being. Yes, she likes having a life of her own—which is why it tends to be so interesting. If you’re looking for a womyn to “take care” of you and cater to your daily needs, hardworking and ambitious womyn will tell you “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” In a cultural context that defines womyn as caretakers of others, a female who vigorously invests in and cares about herself is seen as self-centered and bitchy. Having lots of self-love doesn’t mean a womyn won’t care about you or anyone else. It just means she won’t drop everything she’s been doing in order to fulfill your needs. If this is what you’re looking for in a relationship, then don’t expect to be with a bad-ass womyn. Actually, don’t expect to be with anyone until you learn to take care of your own shit.
Keep in mind that if you ever do get involved with a lady with a strong personality, it’ll be very important to her to maintain her sense of personal identity that is separate from you and your relationship. As in, she’s not interested in just being your girlfriend, your wifey or “someone to come home to every night.” Don’t ask her to change how she already is in order to recreate common conceptions of what a relationship with a womyn should look like. RESPECT her space and personal life. Think of her as an equal and a unique individual, not in terms of who she is in relation to you.
Guys like the challenge of trying to “tame” bad girls into acting nice and becoming accommodating to his needs and desires, like a good wifey supposedly would. Nobody should try to tame someone who has their own dreams and agenda. Stop seeing value in relationships with womyn in terms of how well she’ll tend to you and the people in her life. Relationships aren’t about what dating someone can do for you. They’re about whether you accept and like this person for how they already are, and whether spending time together will enrich both your lives and turn you into better, happier people.
A requisite for dating a heartbreaker is that in order to hold her scattered interest, you need to stand out and be interesting yourself. It’s not that complicated. If you’re interesting and fun to be around, chances are, that person will like you and want to keep seeing you. It’s just that bad girls have a lot of energy, their lives are fast paced and they’re always looking to do new things. The fact that she’s spending any time with you is a big deal in her mind. You need to be able to keep up with their motivation and efforts to constantly find and do exciting things, because you can’t ever take for granted that you’ll see her again. It’s not that you can’t ever be with a bad girl for a long period of time. There just needs to be a consistent element of fun and spontaneity (and really good, high intensity sex) in order for her to continuously want to see you.
Strong womyn expect to be treated well—really, really well, almost as well as they treat themselves. They’re not looking to be with you in order to feel special and cared for. Expect them, and anyone else you date, to be with you because they WANT to, because they like who you are and because you’re good to them—not because they need your money, attention or status. And don’t pull any bullshit. If you give a bad bitch any sort of bullshit, your ass will be out on the street without her giving any fucks about what happens to you.
It takes a lot of effort to woo a bad-ass womyn. But being with someone who has that much self-respect and self-esteem will be refreshing, make your life exciting and teach you to love and accept yourself more. Being with a goddess is hard work, but so worth it. If you don’t want to put in the effort and all you want is someone to “take care” of you and hang on to your every word, then you can’t hang with a bad girl. And therefore, you can’t sit with us.